And So It Begins...

For various reasons, I have decided to begin this, my very own blog. I have a livejournal, I'm on myspace, and I used to have a website that I sort of maintained...

Even still, it feels like a fresh start to be typing in this, my blog, rather than in one of the other journals to which I have access. I am not especially sure why, but returning from Israel today has imbued in me the desire for a fresh start...And I can't exactly have a fresh start with school (though it will be a new year, so I guess that sort of counts), I can't have a fresh start at work, and there are countless other aspects of my life that are too routine to fall under the "fresh start" category.

It has really been bothering me lately that I haven't chosen a specific vocation. I wish I could teach a class on enjoying life...on not sweating the small stuff, finding redeeming characteristics in everyone, taking risks and being okay with the challenges that may arise as a result. They don't give PhDs for "Leisure Art and Analysis" or I would be set. Everything fascinates me. I want to soak in as much as I can about anything that I can...I'm not satisfied specializing in one field because that causes me to neglect a vast world of knowledge in infinite other areas. It would be easier (not necessarily better, mind you) to have an obligation to take over a family business, to only excel in one area, or to have parents breathing the word "doctor" or "lawyer" down my neck. Then I wouldn't have to choose...But, at the same time, I value my independence and the flexibility afforded to me because none of these sort of "cop-out" vocational techniques are factors in my life.

While in Israel, someone mentioned to me that the people of our generation will switch careers an average of seven times over the span of their working years. SEVEN. I don't especially like that idea, but it seems all too evident in my own life. I switched majors 6 times in undergrad, and I am now in grad school pursuing something altogether unrelated...and have 2 years left in grad school, but dread having to follow it with the career that's "expected" of me.

I just want to live my life in a sea of creativity. I love music, I love to write, I love to read, to experience art. I love film. I love anything that evokes emotion and gets to the very core of me...Even if it is painful, even if it calls to mind some of my most difficult experiences, I love it because art that is powerful forces reality in a way that non-fiction cleverly evades it. Emotion--true emotion--causes us to be real beyond reality. We must be genuine because our eyes, our tears, the quivering in our voice, or the snorts and hiccups and gut-shaking of our laughter--these are the things that give us away. My emotions are my traitors, while simultaneously being my best friends.

What kind of schooling is there for that?

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A fresh start. A new glance at reality. Experience. Passion.

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When I was in Israel, it didn't seem like I was gaining any sort of "personal awareness" knowledge. I guess I was wrong.