Collide.

I am back in Pittsburgh after a "rousing" weekend at the homestead. I called Lauren last night and ended up spending a couple of hours with her this morning...I missed church, but sometimes it's more important to support someone than it is to go to a building where it seems that half the people are there only to be seen. It's always good to see Lauren, but I always leave our time together wondering how I can possibly help when I'm penniless and living a couple of hours away...It is really hard to have friends in need and to feel so helpless.

During my drive back here, I decided to call Ashley and, wonder of wonders, she answered her phone! We hadn't talked for several months, so it was really good to catch up. It's strange how much more "grown up" our conversations have become...I think back to living with her our junior year--especially after Rachel graduated and moved out of the apartment--and I can recall singing along with Elvis and The Turtles at the top of our lungs while running from one piece of furniture to the next. It's funny how we actually thought no one could hear us...

There are a lot of things I miss about college, and even about high school...I feel very fortunate to have had really positive experiences in both. I can't believe how dramatic every single event had to be...especially within the walls of Aurora High School. Goodness! I think that part of the reason I enjoyed Miami so much, especially after AHS, is that my entire life story wasn't out there for everyone to see. I enjoyed going to Shriver to study sometimes, and I'd spend half my time there just people-watching. I always wonder what is going through peoples' minds. What kind of day have they had? Where are they headed? Are they happy? Sad? Nervous? Is there anything I could say to them or do for them to improve their day? Sometimes, if a guy cuts me off on the highway and I just want to scream at him, I pause to think about it--perhaps he just found out his wife is in labor, his son was in a car accident, or the first interview he's gotten in 2 years was actually at 10:30, not 11:00. I'm sure that, at least most of the time, the guy is just being a jerk, but it always makes me more patient when I consider other possibilities.

I just re-read the preceeding "paragraph" and realized why I must be so hard to follow when I am talking...I truly am random...On the bright side, I always manage to write academic papers with fluidity and coherence, and I need not be so stringent with a journal.

It has been an interesting weekend--trying to recount Israel (it was easier since most of my pictures are now developed, but harder since they're all out of order and there are hundreds of them), trying to catch up with everyone else, and being hit with some interesting blasts from the past...Plus, in talking to several people with whom I haven't spoken to since prior to St. John (so, May or earlier), I have needed to also recount that trip and the visit with Conor that followed shortly thereafter.

This summer is changing me, but I haven't yet figured out how. I enjoy being at a place in my life where I can be flexible enough to be changed. I'm so fascinated by so many things that it's not at all surprising to anyone when I dream of being an astronaut, an Egyptologist, and a songwriter all in one day. Thus the major-switching epidemic in undergrad: French, Early Childhood Ed., Philosophy, Criminology, Piano Performance/Music Ed., Communications. I'm a very goal-oriented person, but my goals seem to be rather ambiguous. For example, I don't set a goal to be the "best student in Greek" but, rather, to gain as much out of my classes as I can. I don't set goals revolving around a specific vocation, but, instead, work to find an occupation that will be satisfying, will evoke more happiness than anything else, will constantly arouse my passion, and, most importantly, will allow me to be a valuable member of the world.

I think that my biggest goal in life has always been to make a difference. Maybe that sounds slightly cliched or trite, but I mean it in all seriousness. I know that I can't change the entire world by myself, but I do know that I can work in my own little corner of the world and do the best that I can there. That's why movies like "Pay it Forward" and "Mr. Holland's Opus" (tear-jerkers though they may be) always leave me so inspired...Everyone has the power to do some good in this world--everyone is capable of making a positive difference--but not everyone is encouraged to do so. I truly believe that everyone possesses some good in them. I can remember being in high school and getting picked on because I was the only one who would sit with this guy, Steve, at lunch. Everyone else tried to stretch out as much as they could at the lunch table, and I was always accused of having a "crush" on him. Am I a better person than any of those other people? Of course not. I was just given the opportunity to find redeeming qualities in Steve that they had not yet seen. When Steve brought that up earlier this year, I was shocked and touched by his heartfelt words of gratitude.

I want to move mountains. I want to inspire and be inspired. Every year, I participate in Race For The Cure because it is so inspiring...I was especially moved this year, since it marked 5 years in remission for both Mom and Aunt Catherine (and this coming year will be the 5 year point for Gramma). And Lance Armstrong. 7 Tour de France wins in a row...That is just unreal...That is a remarkable feat for someone not afflicted with a debilitating disease...and, while he may be recovered, personal experience has helped me to see that the effects of cancer are never forgotten.

On that note, my sister had her dna test done a little over a week ago, and will get the results in the middle part of August. I have to get my test done soon as well, but it's very important to me that I find a medical team that I can trust with this sort of information. I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, but I'm not sure how I will handle knowing the extent of my predisposition to cancer at only 24 years of age. I think I'm more nervous to find out about my sister, however. I would rather have the BRCA-1 gene any day than know she has it. I'm sure she'd say the same thing about me, however.

Anyway, this is turning out to be quite a lengthy entry, and I need to clean my apartment since Rich and Suzy may be borrowing my couches tonight...