thoughts.

I have had several random thoughts going through my mind lately, none of which are even remotely helpful in completing the myriad of tasks that eagerly await my attention between now and two weeks from now (less than, really).

Take, for example, my male friends. After having a discussion yesterday with one of my favorite guys ever, who ended things by telling me, "I need to poop," I came to the conclusion that a startling majority of my male friends (at least 86%) are obsessed with butts. They feel the need to frequently engage other much less interested parties in their stories of defecation, and seem to be more observant as to the length, size, color, and curvature of their "dump", than they are about anything important: their girlfriend's birthday, their parents' phone number, their history final on Tuesday. None of these equates to the glory and import that bodily excretion holds.

But, that's not all...I find that, in addition, some of my very favorite guys have another rear-ended joy--they LOVE TO MOON PEOPLE. I remember a time when two friends, who shall here remain nameless, felt so inspired to bare their derrieres that, in fact, they jumped on the hood of my vehicle (at that time, I was driving a 94 Ford Ranger) and, because mooning wasn't enough, they left for me the gift of two rather large butt prints on my windshield. I'm here to tell you that washer fluid does not elminate butt prints. Perhaps it's the fact that oil and water don't mix. Perhaps it's that the prints were all too well engrained into the glass. Or, perhaps, this was further evidence that God has an incredible sense of humor, and wishes to encourage all of us to embrace the bodies we've been given.

However, I have a bit of advice for some of the men in my life who have this urging, but wish to not be the "butt" of jokes:

1. If you have zits on your butt, don't bother to moon. Wait until next week when it's all cleared up. This brings to mind an experience I had in a Jerusalem hotel. Gathered with 6 or 7 friends, all was well with the world, until one of the two guys felt compelled to go out on the patio (with a sliding glass door). Seconds later, we got a shot of his butt...One girl among us (more brazen than the rest...at least, in this instance) begin to sputter, then, with all the grace she could muster, stated, "That's disgusting (insert name here), I was sitting so close, I could see all the zits all over your butt." Don't let this happen to you.

2. Should you feel the need to moon, be sure that people who might take offense to the situation, and thereby take action against said mooning, are not present. Like, for example, parents...(In my case, one parent would laugh and the other would cringe).

3. If you're with your girlfriend, don't moon your ex. I can't think of any circumstances wherein this is a good idea, unless, of course, you have a particularly bad butt, and your ex won't leave you alone, and you feel the need to share with her just how bad your butt is so she won't try to call you again. Even then, you may want to run it past your current attraction...I imagine she won't be too excited about the idea.

4. How do you increase the impact of your moons? Moon less! People will be more taken with your behind if they don't see it every day. You wouldn't want to desensitize them to the experience, thereby rendering it useless, would you?

I've had other random thoughts lately as well, but given that I've now allocated a full 23 minutes to the authorship of this profundity, my other thoughts and queries need to be put on hold.

Thank you for your time. :0)

Bye.