dilute

In a rare incident of sanity, I am drinking eggnog that is approximately 60% milk and 40% eggnog. No, J, you didn't read that incorrectly...more milk than eggnog.

Perhaps I should back up for those of you who aren't in my family (so, most of you). You see, my family has diluted our eggnog for years (with skim milk). Even when we were buying the light eggnog, it, too, was only permitted to fill 50% of a glass (and, usually, Dad would put our eggnog in the little ridged brown glasses which were not big enough to truly enjoy the beverage at hand, but whatever). Of course, this rule, it seems, never applied to Dad. Dad has always cheated his way out of the 50/50 rule and has amended it so that he can have 70% eggnog and 30% milk for larger glasses. For juice glasses (which he also has used for casual wine intake, as it happens), there is no diluting necessary. Just straight eggnog. Now this, of course, is a travesty to my sister and me. Why can't we enjoy the bliss of straight eggnog? We're both adults, after all. I'm the youngest at 24!

Alas, I did the unthinkable--following closely in the footsteps of my father, I ventured to try eggnog...without milk...direct from the carton. This is the joy of living in my own apartment. Not that I abstained from jug-to-mouth milk drinking when I lived with my parents, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I learned that it's not much better to drink it straight. But, in trying to create an equalization between the remaining eggnog and milk in my kitchen, I am now enjoying 60% milk in my drink...Really, it tastes quite like 50/50.
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And another thing: why is it that envelope glue is so gross tasting? Let's compare with markers. Now, there are many markers that smell bad...absolutely disgusting. But, then again, there are markers that smell brilliant. Everyone from my generation must remember Mr. Sketch markers. Those were the ones that came in a variety of colors, and they were all scented. Most people had a preference for dark blue or pink. I was a light blue fan, myself. Now, clearly, it's not the best habit in the world to go around sniffing markers, but it was still nice of the people at Mr. Sketch to think of those children in the world who would, indeed, participate in this act of ink-inhalation. In the same way, I'd suggest that an envelope company take the bull by the horns--let's have a variety flav-o-pak (haha) of envelope tastes. In a way, this idea is quite reminiscent of Willy Wonka ("The shnozzberries taste like shnozzberries!") Like marker-sniffing, envelope-licking is not necessarily the best use of one's time, but perhaps people would be more inclined to write a letter or pay a bill if they didn't have to deal with the treachery of the nasty envelope.

And before any of you comments on the ability to use a sponge, paper towel, or other envelope-wetting device, I will say this: yes, that's true and a valid point. But, do you drive up to an ATM and make a deposit there with an extra damp paper towel on you at all times?

No, you don't.

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And finally, slipcovers.

Are slipcovers named as such because:

1. They slip on to one's couch, love seat, or other furniture accesory with ease
2. They are made from slip-like material.
3. They are covered in a type of slip ("slip" here being a paleographic term that describes the sort of makeshift glaze often used on pottery in the Iron and Bronze periods, and that often differentiates one timeperiod and/or region from another. I know I'm a dork)
4. They slip and shift around and never ever stay in one place.

I would submit to you here and now that, indeed, the correct answer is #4. It doesn't matter what I do, how many times I readjust and readjust--even if no one has sat on my couch--my slipcovers are everywhere! I see the flowers of my couch and loveseat (formerly J & Mat's couch, and they got it from Jim and Jane) peeking out from beneath the khaki covers that are meant to completely alter the look of the furniture. The khaki does it's job...until you look at the floor and see a good 6-8" of flowers on the bottom.

Maybe someday, when I'm all grown up and people call me Dr. Kristen (or whatever other names people have for me by that time), I'll be able to afford couches that don't need slipcovers. Until then, I'll just be thankful that I have a couch and loveseat and an apartment with heat.

I still have more Christmas cards to finish, and plenty of homework after that.

Bye :0)