Lonely Planet

I am completely enjoying my very antisocial approach to life right now. I keep my phone off, have my music up loudly enough to not hear someone at my door (but not so loud that I bother Liz, my sole neighbor). I have been craving this alone time, so it's nice to finally have it. It's not that I am sick of my friends, but I am just in need of space...I didn't get any of that in Israel, nor did I get any of that for the 40 weeks prior, so now it is just fabulous to soak it in in large quantities.

I can't believe Brad Haney found me again. First of all, it was his brother, Craig, to whom I was especially close, but even Craig and I lost touch 3 years ago. Yet suddenly, I am reconnected to the Haneys and Anos. Crazy.

For some reason, I have the urge to just move somewhere and start over again. This is, of course, highly unreasonable and not at all sensible. I am 1/3 of the way through with graduate work (part 1), and I have no business at all leaving and starting something else. For someone who appreciates lists and schedules as much as I do, being antsy and restless and intrigued by the entire world is quite an issue. I just don't want my life to ever grow stagnant. I always want to see new things, meet new people, and, then, of course, I want to write about it.

I have often considered publishing. Fiction or non-fiction, I am not sure. I enjoy writing screenplays, and even had fun with the creativity that copywriting allowed me in college. And there's a part of me that dreams of moving out to the west coast and trying to make it in the "big leagues" of theatrics...I will never have the build of your standard "beautiful lead woman" but I could certainly fit the "not-nearly-as-beautiful-but-redeemably-nice" supporting actor. It's not even about the money. Honestly, I think I'm so attracted to acting because, as a successful actor, one has the chance to be exposed to a variety of careers on some level. To really portray a character with any amount of believability, it is important to research the lifestyle, upbringing, and occupation of such a person. To gain a psychological perspective--what would make this person tick? How would she respond in situations a, b, or c? Then, the beauty of it all is that I would be able to bring in that sort of researched character and combine it with creative developments of my own. There's no researching her favorite color, fondness for dogs, or dislike for feet, for example. And, certainly, in every character I played, there would be a bit of "me" exposed. That may be slightly scary, depending on which bits got out, but it also adds a sense of adventure.

In undergrad, I even created my Oscar acceptance speech. More than once.

For me, nothing has ever been enough. My thirst is never fully quenched, and I'm barely satisfied with what I've accomplished. Of course, I'm not even 24 yet (3 weeks or so until that "milestone"), but I am still at an age where all opportunities that present themselves ought to be, at the very least, given full consideration.

I am so thankful that I wasn't one of the girls who got engaged my senior year of college, then got married the summer directly following commencement. That just isn't how I operate, and I hate doing things because they're what's "expected" of me. I don't care if I don't fit into the mold of today's 20-something woman...Right now, I'm neither family- nor career-oriented. I'm not concerned primarily about fashion, nor am I a candidate for "What Not To Wear" on TLC.

-I love football more than any other sport, and would always pick watching it over figure skating or "West Side Story."
-My biggest goal in life is not currently that of finding a husband, though sometimes it would be nice to have someone.
-The last three guys I've dated are engaged to the girl they started dating after we broke up.
-I think I've grown rather cynical in the past couple of years, and yet I strive to believe the best about everyone.
-I hate peppers but I love salsa and spicy foods.
-I hate conconut but I enjoy pina coladas and Samoa Girl Scout cookies.
-I would call myself a Christian but can barely stand most Christian music. Music doesn't always have to be in a major key, does it?
-And sometimes, I would rather watch a movie that doesn't have a happy ending (which is why I rather enjoy foreign films as a genre).
-Fitting in is overrated, yet I dislike being disliked.
-It is rare that I meet anyone who loves their parents as much as I love mine.
-My favorite job so far was being a grill cook at Cracker Barrel.
-Over the summer, I have been told that I would make a fabulous mother, minister, pottery reader, professor, spy, talkshow host, and car saleswoman.
-My five favorite things to do around the house are: write, sing, play the piano, look at scrapbooks, and watch movies that make me cry while snuggling under a blanket and enjoying either wine, chai, or hot chocolate.
-I want a dog when I can have one in my home. Dogs make me happier than any other animal, and even moreso than some humans.
-If I had to pick eating Subway or gourmet for dinner, I would pick Subway.
-I take my time when making cd mixes because I think the order of tracks is very important.
-I'm assertive, overly competitive, and outspoken...but I'm deathly afraid of confessing romantic feelings.
-The only game I don't mind losing is Madden. I am very bad at Madden.
-Sometimes I wish I hadn't quit gymnastics. Or ballet.
-I miss playing softball.
-I don't understand how so many people at a seminary can be so mean.
-I am often more social than I want to be because then I can hide how I really feel.
-I am uncomfortable with silence.
-I wish that I had more friends who were interested in deep and meaningful conversations, and less who were only interested in t.v., clothing, and who's dating whom.
-I'm almost exactly like my mom, but I'm really glad that I'm a lot like my dad too.
-I'm scared of having cancer.
-I have done a lot of things of which I'm not proud...but I don't regret anything.
-If I could, I would wear flip flops every day.
-I tense up every time I drive past a semi, and I hate driving in anything but sunshine because I really do think I'm going to end up driving under another truck and not making it out this time...
-I'm hungry and have already revealed a lot about myself in this entry.