fast.

ok, a rundown for those of you who wonder why I haven't posted in so long.

it's 5:14 a.m. EDT, and I am up now because I have 2 papers to finish by 5:00 p.m. EDT today. And, I will...

But, then, I have to return 10 or 15 books to the library, turn in a few forms to the financial aid office, do some laundry, wash some dishes, pack for alaska and drive to cleveland...all tonight.

in other words, the faster i can get done with the papers, the better.

i woke up with a giant surge of excitement and adrenaline, however, which is good for my productivity level. plus, before, i could procrastinate and procrastinate, but now it's crunch time. i always work to my deadlines.

it will be good to go to cleveland tonight, and even better to go to seattle tomorrow, and even better to meet up with j, mat, and rach on thursday. :0) of course, i am worrying about some things that will stay in the back of my mind for the entire trip, but there's really nothing i can do...so, hopefully, i'll still be able to relax some.

especially because, after today (in the words of Alice Cooper), schoooooooooool's outttttt for summmer! :0)

it's been a quick year. and, hey, after today, i'll be a...SENIOR in my master's program. woohoo!

but...that will not be the case if i don't finish the two papers of which i speak. and continuing to write on here is clearly counterproductive.

bye :0)

everybody hurts.

Things are getting harder and harder around here.

Well, no...only one thing is:

Joe's dad isn't doing well at all.

I have mentioned to a couple of people that, as an eternal optimist, I have been looking for the good that is coming from this...and I have realized that there is at least one positive in the midst of so much difficulty.

Basically, I'm coming to learn just how deeply I care for Joe--and his entire family--because I am learning, too, what it is to be truly selfless. Now, I would not consider myself to be selfish by nature, but I think it's a fair assessment of all humanity that we are more selfish than we'd like to believe. But, with this, things are different--I am finding myself putting Joe before me, making his needs a priority over my own. I am still getting my work done, I am still maintaining the responsibilities that I could so easily abandon, but my priorities have shifted.

Looking back on this school year, it is hard to believe all of the things that have happened that have had a deep emotional impact, among other things. Katrina, and especially the way it impacted the Homans, really got to me. And all of this BRCA business and the MRI scares and long waiting in between appointments took their toll on me. And Grampa dying. And, now, Joe's dad dying.

But there have been some really amazing and wonderful things that have happened this year too. Field Ed. at CHUP has changed my life. Meeting Joe. Going to New Orleans and Chicago. SBL and the Tel Zayit Inscription announcement.

Wow.

I don't think I had any issues with maturity at the start of this year, but I see in myself lots of ways in which I have grown. And a few other people have pointed that out to me as well. And, with that growth has come the ability to more clearly figure out where I belong in life.

I never thought I would be staying in Pittsburgh. I wasn't even excited about moving here in the first place...Clevelanders don't move to Pittsburgh and Pittsburghers don't move to Cleveland. And yet, I feel more confident than ever that this is exactly where I belong.

:0)

As a side note, Mom, Dad, Joe, and I are going to lunch at Bahama Breeze on Saturday. That will be good. :0)

Bye.

analyze.

Joe and I had a conversation (and have since referred back to it more than once) that absolutely intrigued me.

It all started because he is one of those people who can just fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I, on the other hand, lay down and ponder everything--what was my day like, what's on the agenda for tomorrow, and did I remember to put my Homiletics paper in the folder so that I can turn it in in the morning...and then, if I decide that my answer to #3 is "no", I proceed to check on said paper, confirming that it's in the appropriate place. And then, it's back to the thinking and pondering.

Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes, I am so exhausted that I just hit the pillow and drift off. Such a thing is rare, however.

Anyway, from this, Joe and I began to talk about how his mind can just be a blank slate. This, of course, is not to say that he's dumb in anyway, but that he can just completely seperate his thoughts from the moment. If you know me at all, you know that this is not true for me. I overanalyze. I connect things that probably make no sense to connect. And, this, I believe, is part of the reason for my exceptional memory.

For me, life is a mnemonic device. I relate everything to everything. I am quite observant, and when I observe something and then relate it to another familiar thing, I am doubly aware of it categorically, and thus able to better recall it. This is why, for example, I was able to sort all of the clean laundry in Israel last summer, making sure that it was in piles for each individual to take back to their room...and all that after only the first week.

This is also why I sometimes have to act like I've never met someone when they introduce themself to me, as there are frequently times when I think to myself, for example:

"Ah, yes...Andy. Went to Miami. Works at MBNA. Likes fishing. 26. Birthday? Late August, because I remember it being around when J's bday is. Let's see....yes, I recall he celebrated 3 days before I went to J's, so around Aug. 16...hmm....lots of August birthdays. Johanna, Joe, Ashley, Brandon, Jen, Emily....I know I haven't seen or spoken with the last three in years, but their birthdays are still in August....I wonder how many other people's birthdays I remember....hm....I'll make a list."

Right. And there you see a tiny window into the randomness that is me.

Joe is coming over tonight, and we're going to cook dinner together and watch a movie. I am really glad that he's going to spend some time with is dad first, and I'm also glad that I know he'll tell me if he wants to talk about that situation or not. Last night, for example, he and I talked about it a couple of times on our own, but when we were at O.D. and out with the gang afterward, he wanted it as far away from his mind as possible. And that was good too.

It's been an amazing week in some ways, a really rough week in others...it seems as if there are so many people around me dealing with personal tragedy and loss right now, and I realized how much it was taking its toll emotionally on me yesterday. Of course, it's not at all about me, and I will continue to be the person I can be when some is in need and thinks I might be of some help. It's not in my nature to be selective about that. But I am just really grateful that there are people in my life, also, who are willing to let me lean on them too.

Take my family, for example. I know I always talk about how great they are, and this is just another on the infinite lists of reasons why...I called Mom yesterday morning, and, by my voice, I was clearly upset. She called back while I was at work and couldn't answer, then called back again a bit later and we talked for 3 seconds (I was still at work), and then she called back again after work and just let me talk and encouraged me and let me be upset and everything. I called Dad, too, and he stepped out of a meeting just to take my call, and then was with Mom when she called the third time, offering occasional background commentary (as Dad so frequently does). And I finally had the chance to call J, and she offered a successful blend of listening as I talked about the rough stuff, and letting me talking about the happy stuff too. And she made me smile. Plus, of course, I got to talk to Rachel, who told me all about her bandaids, her silver slippers from Oma, riding her very first roller coaster (with Buzz Lightyear), and swimming in the pool, among other things.

Yes, my family is fabulous. We're so good at supporting each other when stuff is happening in one of our lives, or when something is happening that directly affects all of us. We just love each other a whole lot, and that is clear to anyone who meets us. In really different ways, I realized again this year that my family is an anomaly...and a gift.

Anyway, I have sufficiently jumped around now...and I have work to do (though I am really tempted to go back to sleep for a little bit).

Bye :0)

frontiers.

Wow...life is, at once, up and down.

I am stressed out about school, and wishing that there were at least 28 or 29 hours in a day. But, I feel that way at the end of every term, and I always get everything done and do well. Still, now that I have my newest job, which occupies an additional 15 hours of my week, and now that Joe and I are together, and I want to spend time with him, it makes all of the school work even less enticing.

Plus, there are so many difficult things happening with people in my life: April, Holly and Michael, Brian, and Bob have all lost loved ones this week, for example. And things aren't going well for a few others.

On the bright side, Rachel and Nathan are expecting and due in September, and Jansen and Jenifer are expecting and due in July. And Brian and Renee and Dabney bought houses. And Brian and Renee get married one month from today. And Jon and Jenny get married in 3.5 weeks. And I finally get to see Mom and Dad again in a week and a half, and J, Mat, and Rach a couple of weeks after that. Plus, I'll be taking a trip to Cleveland with Joe, Stacey, and Matt, and there meeting up with some other Pittsburgh friends and Cleveland friends (The Midnight Crew) for baseball. So many fun things are on the horizon.

Oh, yeah...and Joe and I. :0) I'll be honest, I have been doing a lot of smiling this week. Our communication is unbelievable. We're big dorks all of the time. We're both really excited about where this could go, and are thus being really careful to do things right. In the middle of everything, we've realized we're becoming each other's best friend. And we get to spend most of Saturday together. :0)

This is definitely unlike any other relationship I've ever been in.

Hurray! :0)