cold.

I had a nice trip back in time today...I found my copy of The Carebears Adventure in Wonderland, and knew that I would be a horrible person if I didn't watch. Yes, it is still as entertaining as ever. I even called my sister to play her the song during the end credits. She laughed too.

But, then Zach and Julie showed up, so J had to get going.

And I've emailed about, oh, a million people who haven't written back. I didn't expect to hear from many of them, so it's not a big deal, but there's one to whom I have written with whom I've kept in touch for years...I'm surprised that I haven't heard from him, especially since I know he's been online. But, people get busy...and, people change. I'm not sure which, if either, of these 2 things is the reason. No reason to be upset though...I'm trying to kick the overanalysis habit, after all.

Not much is going on tonight. I managed to finish writing one of my Israel papers, which is nice. Now I have 31 days in which to send them to Dr. Tappy...As the "kids" say these days, it "ain't no thang." Yes, the kids...After all, it was brought to my attention today that, in just over a month, I will gracefully exit the land of the Early Twenties and will venture into the Mid-Twenties, where I will stop for 24-26...then, I will have to face the music of the Late Twenties (enter threatening music here). I knew I was getting "old" when a couple of the girls in the youth group with which I used to work asked, "So, Kristen, what was it like to live in the 80s?" *Cringe* Plus, I have friends across all generations now, and it seems like that doesn't happen as frequently with younger kids...And being friends with people who were/are friends of my parents doesn't count.

Anyway, here's hoping I continue to not be paranoid about the email thing. Although, my weakness is exposed just in mentioning it again. Oh well.

Weird Science.

Have you ever seen the movie Heathers? I watched it for the first time last night, and I am not exactly sure what to do with it. In one sense, it is an extremely magnified portrayl of high school life--or at least the inner turmoil that seems to infect everyone between the ages of 14 and 18--but, in another sense, it seems to be so inaccurate, save for the experience of one bitter outsider.

Of course, being an outsider would not have been enjoyable...But, in one's own way, everyone probably feels like an outsider. I was always very well-liked in high school, and managed to get along with almost everyone, but there were still times when I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the student body. I was never "as-this" as one person and too much of "that" as compared with another. I guess everyone probably feels that way to some extent. We can't all be the best at everything...

But, as a teenager, I still felt so much pressure (mostly self-inflicted) to be the best, and it really is not about that. Even still, it is so engrained in me that I struggle with thinking that anything less than an "A" is failing and I have a hard time admitting that I can't do something by myself. There is so much out there--so much available in the world--and I need only to listen to those who are willing to teach. Everyone knows more about something than someone else with whom they're in contact. I could teach you to play piano and you could teach me American Sign Language (as I know only the alphabet and a handful of words). And, sometimes the lessons aren't about a specific topic. My great grandma (we called Mom) died when she was 105, but taught me important lessons about wisdom, patience, and handling difficulties with grace and optimism. You don't get that kind of stuff in a classroom, necessarily. And my mom taught me a life-altering lesson in facing your fears when she was diagnosed with cancer. Even Eric, in cheating on me while concurrently asking me about what type of wedding ring I wanted...even he taught me lessons.

Of less importance, I learned last night that Neil Diamond is 64 years old. And, for those of you not aware, I will be seeing him in concert in one week, 3 hours, and 22 minutes (approximately, of course). I can't wait! Music is so important to me, and Neil is so important to music. :0)

Ultimate.

Had a bbq with Rich, Suzy, Sarina, and Brett (then Debbie showed up later). Good food, followed by some frisbee--we're all getting geared up for a new season of Ultimate.

Also, I am now officially signed up for fantasy football. And I plan to win (but we'll see...) :0)

I am now reading the preliminary SBL lineup and hating the fact that I can't be in 25 places at once because there are so many fascinating topics. Dr. Tappy is going to be speaking on Zeitah, so I think it will be interesting to hear his commentary after having been there this season. But, aside from that, there are just dozens and dozens of interesting possibilities. I can't wait! My sister tells me I'm becoming more and more like Dad every day...This is her nice way of telling me I'm becoming more and more of a nerd every day. I'm just glad I have found a topic that so greatly sparks my interest. Other than football, music, and hard beverages (how do I not have a husband yet?!?).

Anyway, tonight, being Friday, presents many options in the life of me. However, I am choosing to turn down all possibilities in favor of finishing the long and daunting task of apartment-cleaning. It's not my favorite thing to do, but it will be nice to have a clean apartment for awhile. I am not excited about dealing with the giant mound of clothing sitting on my bedroom floor, however. So far, the bathroom and kitchen are both clean (though there are dishes still in the drying rack), and I have made progress in my living room as well...But, there is still plenty more to be done. Then, I may kick back with a beer and a movie.

Brilliant!

I spell "Relief" M-O-M & D-A-D

I spoke with Mom and Dad last night, and then called my sister soon after. They all made me feel better about the whole money situation. As it turns out, Mom and Dad don't want me to get a job, they would rather float me the money and allow me to focus on my school work, my Field Ed., and my 2 other jobs.

Also, as it turns out, I'm going to be able to go to the Buckwheat Festival for the first time in many years (close to ten?) and we're going to see the WVU/VT game! I haven't been to a WVU game since that one when I met Terry...blech. It should be a really great weekend. Plus, I know Gramma and Grampa always love to see us.

Today, I am making an exciting trip to Giant Eagle to fulfill all of my shopping needs, then I will be cleaning my apartment from head to toe (which will be quite a project, I assure you). Hopefully I will also have some time to go up to the reservoir, but I'm not holding my breath.

It is so nice to be in a better mood! Yay! :0)

The Beta Band.

I've just returned from a 4.5 mile jog, and feel markedly better than I did when I left. Except that, of course, I came back to 2 bills, one being a cc bill that is trying to tell me I didn't pay last month. Of course, I did pay, and would appreciate having that huge dollar amount removed from this month's debts.

URRRRGH.

So, in conclusion, I think I will be getting another job.

On the bright side: The reservoir was great today. There were several people there, and it was like we all knew about this secret and all knew not to share it with anyone else. Plus, the weather was just right.

Jogger's right-of-way. I wish we could all extend the same sort of courtesy that is understood by runners and walkers. Apparently exercise makes you more polite or something...

Anyway, I'm tired, hungry, sweaty, and really frustrated. But, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right? Right???

Slumber.

I slept well last night, but had some crazy dreams, the details of which I will not divulge here. At any rate, they were the sort of dreams that have caused me to live in a sea of thoughtfulness since I awoke...It's strange how things that, in real life, are so unlikely can occur in a dream, causing one to change perspective on the corresponding real life scenario. I don't know if that made even a little bit of sense to anyone else, but I'm not too concerned either.

In the news:

~The IRA has stepped down from its armed campaign, seeking to become and remain a peaceful group. At least one ongoing battle is now going to become less morbid and disturbing.

~India monsoons are not good (not surprising, but not good). 400+ have died in the Mumbai (Bombay) area. Fortunately, I have received word from Kate that, after a long 46 hours of travel, has arrived safely in the Himilayas, and has begun to sort out the details of her next year before officially starting work on Monday. (For more info, see her blog.) If the monsoon isn't enough, ten more Indians died in an oil fire...

~And, of course, N Korea and the US are still back and forth in their discussions...I am so glad that Conor will be leaving for Guam in under a week--being stationed in S Korea is a little bit too close for comfort at the moment.

~Finally, according to this article (which I read primarily because it was written about Cleveland, and because it was in The Onion), we should all do our best to don BK crowns and enjoy BK broilers...Although, I was always more of a Wendy's girl, myself (but I'd pick Subway over all).

I'm seeking a way to avoid going to Cleveland this weekend for a lousy 3 hour meeting. I would much rather not drive 5 hours for it, but have few other options. We shall see.

Dry.

I hate money problems. I have learned this about myself in the past week. Why? Because I've never ever had money problems like I do right now. And even more than I hate money problems, I hate having to ask my parents for help. But, when you just paid a huge credit card bill, owe rent and know that another huge credit card bill is on the way--and will be here before the first pay day--it becomes hard to turn down that assistance.

I think I may run over to the Starbucks on Centre (or even the one at Giant Eagle, though it's not a part of the franchise) and see if I can work there. I used to work there, I was a shift, so I certainly know how everything ought to be run...It's just the nuances of the particular store and partners who work there that I'd need to learn.

So, then, this would be my activities for the school year:

10 hours/week: Field Ed. (in Crafton Heights, so more like 15 hours with driving)
5 hours/week: Work/Study
5 hours/week: SA
13 hours/week: Classes
39 hours/week: Homework (assuming 3 hours a week/1 hour of classtime)
10-20 (hopefully closer to 10) hours/week: Starbucks (or some other job that I'll have to take...I could always consider being a server again too...)
42-49 hours/week: Sleep
7 hours/week: Shower, etc.
10 hours/week: Work out
14 hours/week: Food

That is, 175-190 hours/week is taken up by that time. Funny enough, there are only 168 hours in the week. Hmmm...

Of course, I was being liberal in some of the allotments (i.e. sleeping for 7 hours a night and spending an hour for both lunch and dinner each day), but I didn't even include things like grocery shopping, having a life, and unplanned meetings (which will most assuredly come up). In other words, it appears that I will no longer have free time, and that I just need to get used to the idea. But, no free time is the sacrifice I'll need to make in order to pay my bills...and I'd rather maintain my good credit and skip a couple of nights out with the gang...

I am not a happy camper. Hmmm....camping...no rent!!!

Maybe I should start selling stuff--goodness knows I have lived a comfortable life for 24 years, it's about time I am forced to learn the value of a dollar (anyone want to buy a Coach bag, some never-worn Steve Madden sandals, or maybe even my car? [Yes, I could get one that still drives for half the price of this one...I just Kelley Blue Booked it and the trade-in value is over $8000 and the private party value is over $9800]).

Ugh. It's not as if anyone reads this thing, but I just brought down the mood of...well, myself, at least.

On the bright side, Debbie, Brian, and I are watching The Usual Suspects, which is always a good flick.

People.

I ended up hanging out with Rus until almost 2 last night...we went down to Oakland and had some beer at Fuel & Funnel. We had some of the best conversation we've ever had--I think because he finally realized that conversation can be good and serious at the same time. Usually he's too busy cracking jokes.

I got an email from Caleb today--the first one since March or April, I guess. I haven't seen him in somewhere around 6 years, so it's nice that we still sort of keep in contact.

Debbie and I are going to work out at 4, followed by a rousing trip to the grocery store. She only calls it the "grocery" and that's sort of annoying. Better than the silly Pennsylvania people who refer to shopping carts as "buggies." What is that?!?

Anyway, I'm realizing that I am too tired to really write anything of even slight interest right now...

Thunderstruck.

This afternoon:

a) Paul called and wants me to be his date for a wedding this weekend in Connecticut.
b) Rus called and wants us to go out either tonight or tomorrow or both...
c) Janet called and wants to come up and visit this weekend
d) We had a fantastic thunderstorm. Alas, the power did not go out.
e) I realized something I had not expected to ever realize:

I MISS ISRAEL!

I miss digging, I miss the sunshine, I miss the laughter...I really really miss the people. The opportunity to be in Israel, to literally unearth history (some pretty unbelievable history, I might add), and to travel all over was amazing. However, my trip was undoubtedly defined by the people with whom I spent my time. I know I was given a few nicknames (beyond just "Kiiiirsten" and "Christine"), but I don't care...I would not have changed a thing about the ways in which my social time was allotted.

I left Israel not really thinking I would miss too much about it. I guess I needed to allow myself time to process it...Sure, it got hard sometimes to wake up at 4:30, and there were a couple of people who could've realllllly frustrated me if I'd allowed myself to feel that way, and I certainly don't ever want to see a piece of what Israelis call "schnitzel" again (it's not schnitzel, I know that for sure). But, despite the little frustrations, I miss Euchre and being in the barn; I miss singing like an idiot in the trench, I miss listening to "Indiana Jones" on the way to the site, I even miss being made fun of incessently for my laugh. I miss sitting around with a nicely chilled Tuborg and great music over at the Homans' place...I almost even miss King's Corner (but not Old Maid).

I love that I tend to make friends rather easily, but it's a double-edged sword to grow so attached so quickly, like I do. Now I feel like I can't possibly keep in touch with the people I would like to--at least not to the extent that I wish--but it does make me feel better that a good handful of people will be at SBL in November and I get to see Ben in September!!! Also, I've been trying to figure out when I might possibly go to New Orleans (I was actually serious about wanting to go there) and I found a roundtrip ticket for $142 on March 1...Granted, that's the day after Mardi Gras, but it's also my spring break! It leaves from Cincy, which is a 4 hour drive, but, being that Cincy is so close to Miami, there are about 1042 people I could see while there. So, we'll see what everyone else involved (or potentially involved) thinks about that plan.

Anyway, I better call Rus back, since I cut him off mid-conversation with another phone call.

Champ.

Ok, so here he is, the King of Pittsburgh. This picture is actually from the end of April, when I worked at the Alumni Banquet. It's clearly blurry, but not many people are lucky enough to have a picture with Eddie K. at all...and he's such a great guy that, obviously, I want to make sure I keep this picture around! :0) (I look sort of weird, but whatever...) :0)

Launch.

Now that the killer of Theo Van Gogh has received life imprisonment, I suppose the MP can relax...not that she ever backed down. I remember seeing a special on the entire incident several months ago...and since then, I've wanted to see the movie Submission, directed by Van Gogh based on Ayaan Hirsi Ali's controversial script.

It's events like the successful launch of the Discovery that help to renew my sense of peace. That is good, as long as it never makes me apathetic. This world certainly doesn't need another apathetic person...

Crafty.

It's 11:31 a.m. (EST) as I begin to type this. I woke to the less-than-brilliant timbre of my alarm at 7:30. Four hours have gone by and, despite my lack of productivity, this day has, thus far, been a success.

Mr. Comcast Man decided that today was an acceptable day for him to work (and, as it turns out, he's from Cleveland!). Therefore, I have my cable back in action. And, joy of all joys, when it came back on, it was on the NFL channel. Ricky Williams will be playing again. This is less joyous, but whatever...Anyway, so I switched channels in disgust, only to come upon a film which is, in my opinion, one of the greatest films ever produced: "The Longest Day." Now, of course I could choose to critique this movie for its weaknesses and could, as a result, write a relatively lengthy essay on that topic. But, then again, someone could choose to do the same thing about me--I'd rather hate to read a biography written about me. So, instead, I will choose to merely enjoy the film, appreciate its multitude of cinematic triumphs, and will still be disappointed when the clicking system doesn't work, and the soldier (whose name has momentarily escaped me) is killed off by a couple of Germans (but hats off to them for the lucky break...I guess).

Of course, it bothers me that I enjoy that movie so much because war is just repulsive. I don't think it's necessarily inescapable, but I do think that it has become an "easy" way out. Of course, "easy" is a term I use loosely...But, I don't feel like going into that right now.

Suzy stayed at my place last night, and it was nice to catch up with her for awhile--we hadn't spoken at all since May, at which point she left for Seattle and I left for St. John...We have a weird friendship, but a good one, nonetheless.

Also, everyone should be readying themselves: CLEVELAND BROWNS TRAINING CAMP BEGINS ON FRIDAY (JULY 29). WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! :0)

I think I might have a bit of a problem. I just love the Browns SO much...And, we're going to have a great season this year. No more of the "rebuilding" shennanigans. We're going to win (and won't I love it when we beat the Steelers!).

Once again, this entry is not markedly brilliant, but at least I keep myself entertained, if no one else. I'm going to go enjoy some cable t.v. since a) I actually have time to watch and b) I pay too much each month to not enjoy it!

Mmmm...the NFL channel... :0)

A Shaft of Sunlight...

Weddings (that I can think of) to which I will be invited next summer (so far):

May (sometime): Jon Ellegood/Jenny
June (sometime): James Riggins
June 24: Brian Wallace/Renee
June 24: Katherine Benjamin/Mike
July (sometime): Emily White
August (sometime): Tammy Fuller
August (sometime): Josh Snyder/Kate Lockard
August 26: Debbie Duckworth/Brian Saxe
Sometime next summer: Amanda DeGaetano/Riley Smith
Sometime next summer: Erica Stewart/Chris

I know there are at least a couple more, and I can't even think of who they are at this point (am I a horrible person or what?!?)

Rich, Suzy, Jon, Jenny, Debbie and I played cards tonight...10 to 1, Apples to Apples, Euchre...and, we watched "Fraggle Rock" for awhile. Good to play with the old crew again, though I found myself referencing Euchre-related inside jokes that were created in Israel, so, of course, no one thought them funny. I even made the "Bzzzzz" noise when I went fishing for trump. Sadly, no one even appreciated that there was fishing going on. It was fantastic, however, when someone asked what the word "Euchre" actually meant, and I was able to supply them with an accurate answer.

I'm really exhausted but I have a lot on my mind at the same time. For example, how can someone become a good friend, then, without explanation, turn on you and treat you like a complete stranger? And how can someone else, who you just met, treat you like an old friend? People can be weird about friendships (not to mention other sorts of relationships). But, I guess it's hard for me to understand how people who have different personalities than me (and are different altogether) approach friendships because, clearly, they're different. Eh, c'est la vie.

It stormed today. I love the sound of thunder, and I love the feeling of rain on my face. Rain, for me, represents an overall cleansing, and the sense of freshness that pervades the air after a good rainfall is pleasantly overwhelming. Mmmmm.

Goodnight.

Oui ou non?

Je suis si confuse parce qu'il y a beaucoup de questions dans ma tete.

J'ai le chanson "Collide" dans ma tete aussi. C'est par Howie Day, et pour quelque raison, les lyriques sont tres signicatif a moi.

Ok, enough French for one entry...despite the fact that it is only a couple of 200-level sentences, nothing more.

So, the chorus to "Collide" says:

Even the best fall down sometimes/ Even the wrong words seem to rhyme/ Out of the doubt that fills my mind/ I somehow find/ You and I collide

Of course, this pertains only and completely to one specific relationship...and my mind is all over the place trying to figure out what to do. If I say something, I risk screwing up the friendship that both he and I have worked so hard to maintain over the years, despite the distance...But, if I don't say something, I risk losing the most amazing person I have ever met to someone else who, when it comes down to it, is probably more deserving of him anyway. But, I am not especially in the mood to dwell on this relationship stuff right now, and anyone who happens to read this will be no more excited to read it than I am to write it...

I think that one of my favorite things about being on campus is to get to know all of the people that most of the others don't seem to notice. I'm not all that impressed with my professors...don't get me wrong, they are amazing in their fields and wonderful people to know, but they're still human. Their crap doesn't smell any better than anyone else's! I enjoy knowing them, but I really enjoy getting to know others: Dan the mailman, for example. He told me last year that I'm one of the few people on campus that he actually likes. I think that, more accurately, I'm one of the few who bother to talk to him about anything other than mail and school. And Al, who I talked to every day in the office last year when he came by to empty the trash, and who I see mopping the hallways every afternoon...And, of course, there's Eddie. Eddie is the sweetest man alive...I call him the King of Pittsburgh. He's our security guard, but he needs hip replacement, and can't run at all. He once told me that a 90-year old woman with a walker moved faster then he. But, then again, he also told me that he would start going to church every Sunday as payment for God because I'm going to be on campus for another 2 years, and that made him so happy.

Why is it that having "Dr." before your name wins you so much respect in this country? I mean, of course it takes loads and loads of work to achieve that level of scholarship, but elementary school teachers are at least as important as higher level teachers. I'm saying this, but still want to ultimately teach at the college level (I think). But, my fourth grade teacher was one of the most important and influential teachers--much moreso than almost every teacher I've had since high school graduation. There are exceptions, of course. Dr. Curme, my econ professor, was hands down the best professor I had at Miami. The class was not easy, but I learned so much and found myself frequenting his office to talk about things--related to econ, but also related to music (he's a big Neil Diamond and Tom Waits fan), farming (you just talk about farming when your school is in the middle of corn fields), and football (Go Browns!). And Dr. Haag, a professor I had while studying in Europe, who taught my Renaissance History and Rise and Fall of Hitler classes with more passion and determination than many of my other professors combined.

In my opinion (humble though it may be), a teacher, at any level, ought to be so excited about the content that he/she is teaching, and ought make an effort to make it at least as exciting and interesting to a student. It is important to allow students to be engaged in their reading, writing, and in every other outlet that is used to convey an idea or movement. Greek was fascinating to me because my professor loved it and because he used a variety of means by which to help us learn it, and because the skills used in there (and, in Exegesis, the critical thinking skills in particular) were applicable in a plethora of other contexts. It wasn't ever just about learning Greek--it was at least as much about learning about life.

I love being 23 (well, almost 24)! I have these unquenchable dreams

Collide.

I am back in Pittsburgh after a "rousing" weekend at the homestead. I called Lauren last night and ended up spending a couple of hours with her this morning...I missed church, but sometimes it's more important to support someone than it is to go to a building where it seems that half the people are there only to be seen. It's always good to see Lauren, but I always leave our time together wondering how I can possibly help when I'm penniless and living a couple of hours away...It is really hard to have friends in need and to feel so helpless.

During my drive back here, I decided to call Ashley and, wonder of wonders, she answered her phone! We hadn't talked for several months, so it was really good to catch up. It's strange how much more "grown up" our conversations have become...I think back to living with her our junior year--especially after Rachel graduated and moved out of the apartment--and I can recall singing along with Elvis and The Turtles at the top of our lungs while running from one piece of furniture to the next. It's funny how we actually thought no one could hear us...

There are a lot of things I miss about college, and even about high school...I feel very fortunate to have had really positive experiences in both. I can't believe how dramatic every single event had to be...especially within the walls of Aurora High School. Goodness! I think that part of the reason I enjoyed Miami so much, especially after AHS, is that my entire life story wasn't out there for everyone to see. I enjoyed going to Shriver to study sometimes, and I'd spend half my time there just people-watching. I always wonder what is going through peoples' minds. What kind of day have they had? Where are they headed? Are they happy? Sad? Nervous? Is there anything I could say to them or do for them to improve their day? Sometimes, if a guy cuts me off on the highway and I just want to scream at him, I pause to think about it--perhaps he just found out his wife is in labor, his son was in a car accident, or the first interview he's gotten in 2 years was actually at 10:30, not 11:00. I'm sure that, at least most of the time, the guy is just being a jerk, but it always makes me more patient when I consider other possibilities.

I just re-read the preceeding "paragraph" and realized why I must be so hard to follow when I am talking...I truly am random...On the bright side, I always manage to write academic papers with fluidity and coherence, and I need not be so stringent with a journal.

It has been an interesting weekend--trying to recount Israel (it was easier since most of my pictures are now developed, but harder since they're all out of order and there are hundreds of them), trying to catch up with everyone else, and being hit with some interesting blasts from the past...Plus, in talking to several people with whom I haven't spoken to since prior to St. John (so, May or earlier), I have needed to also recount that trip and the visit with Conor that followed shortly thereafter.

This summer is changing me, but I haven't yet figured out how. I enjoy being at a place in my life where I can be flexible enough to be changed. I'm so fascinated by so many things that it's not at all surprising to anyone when I dream of being an astronaut, an Egyptologist, and a songwriter all in one day. Thus the major-switching epidemic in undergrad: French, Early Childhood Ed., Philosophy, Criminology, Piano Performance/Music Ed., Communications. I'm a very goal-oriented person, but my goals seem to be rather ambiguous. For example, I don't set a goal to be the "best student in Greek" but, rather, to gain as much out of my classes as I can. I don't set goals revolving around a specific vocation, but, instead, work to find an occupation that will be satisfying, will evoke more happiness than anything else, will constantly arouse my passion, and, most importantly, will allow me to be a valuable member of the world.

I think that my biggest goal in life has always been to make a difference. Maybe that sounds slightly cliched or trite, but I mean it in all seriousness. I know that I can't change the entire world by myself, but I do know that I can work in my own little corner of the world and do the best that I can there. That's why movies like "Pay it Forward" and "Mr. Holland's Opus" (tear-jerkers though they may be) always leave me so inspired...Everyone has the power to do some good in this world--everyone is capable of making a positive difference--but not everyone is encouraged to do so. I truly believe that everyone possesses some good in them. I can remember being in high school and getting picked on because I was the only one who would sit with this guy, Steve, at lunch. Everyone else tried to stretch out as much as they could at the lunch table, and I was always accused of having a "crush" on him. Am I a better person than any of those other people? Of course not. I was just given the opportunity to find redeeming qualities in Steve that they had not yet seen. When Steve brought that up earlier this year, I was shocked and touched by his heartfelt words of gratitude.

I want to move mountains. I want to inspire and be inspired. Every year, I participate in Race For The Cure because it is so inspiring...I was especially moved this year, since it marked 5 years in remission for both Mom and Aunt Catherine (and this coming year will be the 5 year point for Gramma). And Lance Armstrong. 7 Tour de France wins in a row...That is just unreal...That is a remarkable feat for someone not afflicted with a debilitating disease...and, while he may be recovered, personal experience has helped me to see that the effects of cancer are never forgotten.

On that note, my sister had her dna test done a little over a week ago, and will get the results in the middle part of August. I have to get my test done soon as well, but it's very important to me that I find a medical team that I can trust with this sort of information. I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, but I'm not sure how I will handle knowing the extent of my predisposition to cancer at only 24 years of age. I think I'm more nervous to find out about my sister, however. I would rather have the BRCA-1 gene any day than know she has it. I'm sure she'd say the same thing about me, however.

Anyway, this is turning out to be quite a lengthy entry, and I need to clean my apartment since Rich and Suzy may be borrowing my couches tonight...

Haute in Herrrrre.

I don't mind telling you: This girl is the cutest in the world! (Please disregard the gashes on her face due to a run-in with a toy at preschool one day).

My niece Rachel. :0) And hearing her sing "Happy Birthday" to my mom last night managed to make her exponentially cuter!!!

I am really looking forward to flying out to visit Rachel and her parents in a few weeks.

But first, I will be having dinner with Mom, Dad, Judie, and Tim tonight, followed by a night out with the Midnight Gang. Yay! :0)

Last night at dinner, our car pulled in right behind Eric's...I was glad when he turned at Damon's instead of at Blue Canyon. Seeing him again does not fall high on the charts of "most exciting (or desired) moments."

Seeing his car was horrifying enough.

On the bright side, all went well with Mom's cake! I'm glad it successfully made the trip with me from Pgh.

Off to fold more laundry.

Happy Birthday Mom, Tom, and Michelle! :0)

Last night was fantastic!

Tom and I went to dinner at Rosetti's and had yummy zucchini and calzones, and we just spent a couple of hours there laughing and talking...Then we stopped by Bed, Bath & Beyond to look for a shaker and glasses for him (but he was so anal that he never actually picked one out), then we went to the liquor store (silly PA doesn't sell any alcohol in grocery stores...Ohio: 1, Pennsylvania: 0) and Tom got some rum. Then we went to Giant Eagle and had the greatest time. Who knew that shopping for 15 items could take so long and be so much fun?!?

I can't even tell you how challenging it was for us to find the following three items: Spanish peanuts, breadcrumbs, and canned Hershey's syrup. Of course, that we walked down the peanut and breadcrumb aisles both multiple times and were too busy talking and laughing might have something to do with it. We also ran into Doug and Mandy--they were also on a quest for Hershey's syrup (the bottled kind, not the canned kind), and they saved the day when they came across both kinds! Yay! Thus, Mom's bday cake could be made. :0)

Anyway, Tom was so nice--out-of-character nice, even. He said multiple times how much he'd missed me, how excited that he was to have me back in town, etc. He's so great--we have such an awesome friendship. Plus, we're just huge dorks.

When we got back here, we decided we'd have to try and make this a weekly event, so that will be fun. Plus, Debbie will be done with SYI after tomorrow, so she and Brian and I will be able to hang out more...I felt badly last night--Brian called and wanted me to come hang out, but I was too busy trying to get packed up etc...and I had to wake up early since the cable guy was supposed to come this morning.

Of course, he didn't show up, so I called the dudes over at Comcast and they apologized profusely and gave me a $20 credit on my billing! Plus, he's going to come next Tuesday morning, and it's not as if I had anything else scheduled, so that makes me happy.

I'm still waiting for my paper from Dr. Gagnon...when he emailed and said it would be in my box by yesterday, I knew better than to get my hopes up. I'll start looking for it next Thursday or so...Knowledgable teacher (thus the FOUR classes I took with him this year), horrrrrrrible time management. No one's good at everything!!! I do really want to read my comments though...Come to think of it, I never got my Polity exam back either, but, knowing George, that's to be expected...

I'm off to wish Tom and happy birthday, then out to load my car and hit the road (only stopping for gas and at my starbucks at home--I promised I'd visit!) :0)

Just your shadow...

Call me crazy, but I miss this kid a whole heck of a lot. It is sort of strange to miss someone who isn't around for the huge majority of my life...I managed to go two years without seeing him (though we still keep in touch fairly well), spend 4 hours with him, and now miss him more than I did before (which was already a significant amount). I don't feel like I need to venture any guesses as to what this all means (though I am Captain Overanalysis), but it's just sort of weird...It's sort of like how you don't realize you're hungry until you notice that it's 2 hours until Second Breakfast, and then your stomach begins to churn.

On another note, people on campus don't recognize me. Dave, Doug, and others have all done double- and triple-takes today as I've walked around. I don't know if it's because my hair is so blonde, my skin is so tan, or because I lost some weight in Israel...perhaps it's the combination. At any rate, it's sort of funny to edge towards anonymity when I just finished out the school year knowing virtually everyone.

I was doing some offhand research today to find out prices for A) Philly in November and B) New Orleans in February/March. And, Mom asked me to bring my availability home for the year because they're planning an Alaskan cruise for the family! Hopefully I can still do Valentour, and possibly Israel, even with this other stuff. Anyway, I discovered that I can fly to Philly rather cheaply on Southwest, should I choose to do so...But, Tom and I were talking today, and we're going to possibly drive there together, which would then cut down costs...plus, it's only about 6 hours to get there, and a road trip with Tom Moore would be fantastic!!!! As for New Orleans, I found a plane ticket for only $142 round trip on Delta, leaving from Cincy. Now, Cincy is 4 hours from Pittsburgh, so it might seem like an inconvenience...however, I know plenty of people down there (it's only 35 minutes from Oxford and my undergrad, after all), so I could easily visit with people and have free housing while there!!! So, my current plan (pending the approval of everyone else involved, of course) is to drive down to Cincy on Mon. Feb. 27, hang out that day and the next, catch my flight to New Orleans on Wed. Mar. 1, and spend a few days there (tenatively, I'd fly back on Sun. Mar. 5). Then, if I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to in Cincy, I could do so at that time (since I'd still have another week of Spring Break). Plus, I could also go to Indy and visit Roommate and go to James' wedding!!! Brilliant! I'm also going to check prices out of Chicago to New Orleans since I can always go see J, Mat and Rach, and that would be fantastic.

I love to travel...it's so wonderful.

I got an email from Dr. Gagnon today. He's going to finish writing comments on my paper and have it in my mailbox tomorrow! Hurray! He also wants to meet up to talk about my trip and all, so that should be fun. Also, I saw Dr. Jackson today, and after offering me warm greetings, he asked if we could meet over lunch to talk "business." And, according to Tim, Dr. Sunquist has been circulating my emails to people who are interested...which explains why Tim knew about our finding a duck and a mask on the trip.

My cable box is messed up. I called Comcast and they're sending someone out on Friday morning, which means I have to have the back of my t.v. and my box accessible for the dude. Not a big deal, except that I have to move all of my biggest books out of the way (Lexicon, Concordance, Dictionary of Paul & His Letters, etc.). Oh well. They can just crowd the rest of my living room, along with my suitcases and clothes and papers. This world would be a better place without so much stinking paperwork!!!

I went up to the park again today, but opted to run around the reservoir instead of going down the trails. I went around twice, plus walked to and from the park, all adding up to about 3.1 miles. The weather was much better today--still hot, but not quite as sticky. I'm enjoying this park routine--I think it will stick until the weather gets colder and I have to start going back to the weight room again...But it's always fun in there anyhow--I can always count on laughing with Debbie about something, and waving to Josh sometime in the middle of lifting weights.

On that note, both Josh and Kate get into town tonight. Though I just spent 5 weeks with Kate, I hope to see her and say goodbye before she runs off to India...and I hope to see Josh because I haven't talked to him at all in the past 2 months and he is one of my really good friends.

Well, I'm off to go help Brian with some insurance thing for his new job. Brilliant. I love my life. :0)

3 coins in the fountain

I am so excited! Perhaps it's silly of me to be so excited, actually, because it is almost entirely because I saved $28 using my Giant Eagle Advantage card and my coupons while at the store today. But that's no small amount when you're me and you have no money!

Also, I am excited because I have groceries, and can make yummy meals...I'm going to try to make dinner for Tom one night this week too...his birthday is on Friday (yay for sharing a birthday with Mom, Michelle and other random people like Jeremy Klabik!)

I came home to three wedding invitations, all for weddings in August. I know for sure I can't go to one (Rich and Suzy's), I will definitely be able to go to one (Brian's!), and until I know about the Journey, I won't be able to figure out if I can go to the other (Tim and Caroline's). Craziness.

I thought I had something of much greater import to write about on here. It has temporarily left me.

Oh, except that everyone should read "Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison. It is a work of literary genius that succeeds in confusing the reader so much. There are times when I want to hate the narrator and times when I want to love him...Sometimes he makes sense, other times he needs to be slapped upside the head. The book approaches some very tough issues--morally, sociologically, and introspectively. It's a great read...and I'm not even done yet!

Once I finish reading "Invisible Man," I have "Middlesex," "The Things They Carried," "The Master and Margherita," "Corrosion of Character," "When Elephants Dance," and a whole slew of others. Hopefully I will finish all of them before the school year begins. Plus, it's time to work on learning Swahili, I need to complete my papers for Israel & Dr. Tappy, I have to edit my resume and write a mini-biography for Dave over at CHUP to give to his session, and I need to work on all sorts of stuff for Orientation.

At least I don't have anything to do... :0)

Solace...

I walked up to the park today and spent about an hour or so walking around and exploring everything...I hadn't actually gone onto the park grounds before this, but it was so peaceful, and it felt almost as if the paths were created just for me. It was really nice. Then, I got to the back of the perimeter and there was suddenly this entire new world--a swimming pool full of people, a carp-filled lake, and it was just a crazy experience. I really loved it.

I met with Dave Carver and figured out everything for my Field Ed. this fall. I just have to get in touch with Barry Jackson and things will be fairly well cleared. I am really excited--it sounds like I'm going to have a thousand good opportunities. Plus, I have finally experienced the Pittsburgh staple that is Primanti's! We ate lunch there today--it was fabulous (and oh how I missed having meat and dairy in the same meal...)

I haven't really done any unpacking, except to retrieve the few things that I have needed...The rest of it is all across my living room. It'll get itself done sometime! :0)

I got my grades today (after waiting with baited breath for 2 months).
~Polity: A-
~History: A
~Exegesis: A-
~Systematic: A

I was a bit bummed that there were two A minuses, but really I can't complain. My cumulative gpa isn't too terrible.

I was bummed that I didn't get my actual exegesis paper back, however. I need to email Dr. Gagnon...I spoke to his secretary, Holly, today and, apparently, Dr. Gagnon doesn't make too many appearances on campus during the summer. He only lives 3 seconds from here though, so perhaps he'll take the time to drop my paper in my box.

Also, I had 3 wedding invitations waiting for me upon my return here: Suzy and Rich, Caroline and Tim, and Brian and Tina. All of them are in August and none of them conflict with things that I have going on (at least, I don't think...I need to check). Rich and Suzy's wedding is in Seattle, however, so that probably won't be happening. They are holding a reception back here in Pittsburgh in September, so I'll certainly be a part of that.

Life is just crazy. I saw Tom today (amond others) and he was asking about my trip, and I realized that I had a really hard time talking about it. It's just so hard to explain--so much happened over the course of 6 weeks, and I can hardly begin to process it. Plus, there are so many things better left as memories--experiences shared only and entirely with the people who were there...

Today is Kalypso's birthday. I hope she was able to talk to her mom and brother! I know her dad loved having her around in Israel...she's such a terrific girl, it's not surprising!

I ought to run to Giant Eagle tonight (especially since I don't have anything for dinner), but I really don't feel like it. Maybe I'll scrounge something random for tonight, then go out tomorrow morning after I've cut coupons.

It's really nice to be back in Pittsburgh. I can't believe I've lived here for a year! It finally feels like home...

And So It Begins...

For various reasons, I have decided to begin this, my very own blog. I have a livejournal, I'm on myspace, and I used to have a website that I sort of maintained...

Even still, it feels like a fresh start to be typing in this, my blog, rather than in one of the other journals to which I have access. I am not especially sure why, but returning from Israel today has imbued in me the desire for a fresh start...And I can't exactly have a fresh start with school (though it will be a new year, so I guess that sort of counts), I can't have a fresh start at work, and there are countless other aspects of my life that are too routine to fall under the "fresh start" category.

It has really been bothering me lately that I haven't chosen a specific vocation. I wish I could teach a class on enjoying life...on not sweating the small stuff, finding redeeming characteristics in everyone, taking risks and being okay with the challenges that may arise as a result. They don't give PhDs for "Leisure Art and Analysis" or I would be set. Everything fascinates me. I want to soak in as much as I can about anything that I can...I'm not satisfied specializing in one field because that causes me to neglect a vast world of knowledge in infinite other areas. It would be easier (not necessarily better, mind you) to have an obligation to take over a family business, to only excel in one area, or to have parents breathing the word "doctor" or "lawyer" down my neck. Then I wouldn't have to choose...But, at the same time, I value my independence and the flexibility afforded to me because none of these sort of "cop-out" vocational techniques are factors in my life.

While in Israel, someone mentioned to me that the people of our generation will switch careers an average of seven times over the span of their working years. SEVEN. I don't especially like that idea, but it seems all too evident in my own life. I switched majors 6 times in undergrad, and I am now in grad school pursuing something altogether unrelated...and have 2 years left in grad school, but dread having to follow it with the career that's "expected" of me.

I just want to live my life in a sea of creativity. I love music, I love to write, I love to read, to experience art. I love film. I love anything that evokes emotion and gets to the very core of me...Even if it is painful, even if it calls to mind some of my most difficult experiences, I love it because art that is powerful forces reality in a way that non-fiction cleverly evades it. Emotion--true emotion--causes us to be real beyond reality. We must be genuine because our eyes, our tears, the quivering in our voice, or the snorts and hiccups and gut-shaking of our laughter--these are the things that give us away. My emotions are my traitors, while simultaneously being my best friends.

What kind of schooling is there for that?

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A fresh start. A new glance at reality. Experience. Passion.

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When I was in Israel, it didn't seem like I was gaining any sort of "personal awareness" knowledge. I guess I was wrong.